I find it can be easy to sit in judgement of a celebrity that has done the ‘wrong’ thing. We hear their stories being played out on the radio, in magazines and in the papers and we listen in and often get ‘caught up’ with the quite ‘amusing’ fact that someone so powerful with a seemingly ‘perfect’ life can fully ‘mess it up’ the way Tiger Woods has.

What on earth is going on?

I like to look at this with a mirror. What part of me can deny those close to me the love they so deserve? What part of me can be cheating and deceitful? What part of me can get caught up in my life that those around me play ’second fiddle’ to my needs?

Yes, it is easy to look at the whole ’story’ and be amused, shocked, angry, humoured by it. It isn’t as easy to look within and see where those traits live inside of self.

Who are we to judge another?

Who are we to cast dispersions on another soul for their actions?

I have been fortunate enough to be on the receiving and giving end of an affair. I have been cheated on and I have been the one to cheat on another. In both journey’s my experience served me well to become the woman I am today. They served me well to get me through to the next stage, my next lot of growth and I would not have given up those experiences for anything, regardless!

When I was the ‘cheater’ it served me because deep down I truly didn’t want a committed relationship. Sure, I told him I did. I whinged to my friends that I did – but, truth was, – I wasn’t ready. It served me to ‘play the field’ and have a man only see me when he was at his ‘best’. I got to lead an independent life and feel ’special’ and ’sexy’ and ‘mysterious’ pretty much all of the time. I got to live this ’single life’ and just have someone around occasionally – in between his life. At a point when I decided to be truly honest with myself and declare that I wanted someone 24/7 the affair came to an abrupt halt. I simply decided I deserved more than someone ‘here and there’ and so I ended it and moved on.

For those of you in this situation – just be honest with yourself. If you love what you have with ‘a bit here and there’ then own that. Take responsibility and just know that it is serving you for now. Don’t beat yourself up that you are a bad person and buy into the whole ‘you deserve to be punished’ rubbish, just know that you are doing what you are doing because it feels ‘right’ for you to do so at this point in time. There is a whole lot going on when two souls connect on this level in such a way. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It is what it is. End of story.

Then there is the other side of the coin….

Yep, being the one who is being cheated on. Yep, that hurts. It did hurt and the truth is I needed to own some of that. I needed to take responsibility for the part I played in him not being fully connected to me and our relationship. I was needy and suffocating when this happened to me. I loved him so very much and would have done anything for him. In all honesty, I was ‘mothering’ him. Yeah, like that is attractive!!! I was scared and in love and I just wanted us to do everything together. What I didn’t realise was the more I pushed towards him, the more he felt the need to run away. And he did…into the arms of a strong, independent woman who challenged him and made him laugh and was fun (like I was when we first met). When we broke up (or when I found out) I was so hurt and angry and wanted to blame her for everything and only blamed him for a tiny bit of it. It wasn’t until the healing came in that I realised that I had created all of it. In my attempt to get closer to him I had become weak, whingy and suffocating – making sure I didn’t have a life of my own and fully trying to live his life with him. I had pushed aside the strong, independent woman he had fallen in love with and had become someone who was almost terrified of their own shadow! It served me well having him cheat on me. It gave me my power back and I could see how I too contributed to the whole thing and the last person to blame was the ‘other woman’ – she was just a by-product of what was ‘really going on’…

So…for what it is worth…I have experienced both sides of the affair coin. Always…it was for my own personal journey and boy, did I get a lot from it. For whatever reason Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin Nordegren, have created this journey for themselves may it serve them both with love and wisdom for their journey ahead.

Much love, many blessings. Julianne xxx